Life is Good When You Have Wood

Hello everyone, I am back from retirement to talk about random stuff.  I am being forced to create a blog for Business Communication so I decided it would be fun to update this one as well.

As I said last year, I burn wood for heat.  So I want to talk more about wood and my adventures of wood chopping over the summer.


After a winter of intense burning I was left with one log.  And my dog stole it.

And he ate it...

So I had to start look for more wood.  I started at the land fill.

Slowly but surely, I started building my pile up again.

 Before long my dog noticed there was more wood to eat!

 He was shocked at how quickly the pile had grown into a monstrosity.

And now he carefully guards it.

And that is the story of my wood pile for this year.  Almost time to start burning!!

Is This The End?

Well our social media class is coming to an end.  I sit here wondering how I can put the whole experience into words, but tears keep welling up inside of my eyes.  I just can't believe it's already over.  What am I going to do with myself?!  I have no idea how I will fill up my time.

Just kidding, i'll probably just go buy one of these:

And then I'll probably lay around eating these:

But in reality, I probably won't do either right now because my internet is so extremely slow that I wouldn't be able to enjoy any of the awesome things that I would want to do online with a Playstation 4.  

So maybe I'll still get the Funyuns, but check out my internet speed:

Basically at this speed it takes like 7 hours to load a GIF.  It's completely unacceptable.

The real reason i'm talking about my internet speed is because I want to talk about my internet provider and why their company needs to seriously work on their image if they're going to keep getting away with this.

The company that provides my internet is called beeline digital and this is their website:

The first thing you notice at the top is a low quality image of a guy with his disfigured hand in his mouth.  It looks like clip-art that you might find on a computer from 1992.  Next, you see that big chunk of scribbled colored lines covering up half the text under question 9?  That's just the way it is, the site looks like total crap.  I've seen under developed children create higher quality web sites.  On the upside, I pay only 28 dollars a month.  The downside is, the internet is randomly fast and most often extremely slow.  They only have two employees, and I think one died like 3 months ago... so we're just left to fend for ourselves.  I don't even think I can cancel the recurring monthly payments.  I don't even know if they have a phone number to call!!!

What are my suggestions?

-Pay a guy from India $10 bucks an hour to create a website that doesn't look like it was created by a Nigerian scam artist.

-Figure out how to give me a reliable connection higher than .48 Mbps

-Stop making me angry!

Think about it, the best way to mess with someone's life these days is to give them a crappy internet connection.  Yeah sure, most companies now are too big to fail, but sorry beeline digital... you have 1 employee left, he lives at sunshine terrace and probably suffers from dementia.  

Long story short, I'm sitting here waiting for the mail man to bring me some kind of special internet offer.  I've seen the people stringing up the fiber-optic lines down 600 south, I know I'm going to have options pretty soon.  What is my current internet provider doing to stay competitive?  Nothing that I'm aware of.

I am almost positive that some day in my life time, internet will be free for everyone.  It's going to be like trying to charge for radio... well I guess that's actually gaining traction, but you see my point.  High speed internet is going to be blasting all over the planet soon, and these crazy little companies need to put together a game plan if they want to survive.

Well that's all the required posts for the class.  I have cried all the tears I can cry, but it's time to say goodbye.  After looking at all the blogs, this blog and Tom Goldhardt's blog are definitely the best blogs in the class, and possibly the best in the history of bloggerdom.  Extra Credit PLEASE!

Here is a song that sums up my feelings about my social media class ending:

And while drying your tears, listen to the techno version.

Dealerships. How Much Cash Have You Thrown in the Trash?

Have you ever purchased a car or motorcycle from a dealership?

If you say yes, you have been ripped off.

This weekend I contacted a dealership about a motorcycle similar to the one pictured above.

Dealerships get away with charging over blue book value and customers continue to be tricked into thinking they are getting a good deal.

I wanted to purchase a 2001 Suzuki Bandit 1200 from a dealership this weekend but they were asking 1000 dollars over blue book value.  How do they get away with this?  

The reason they get away with this is because people think that dealerships care about them.  People think that when you buy from a dealership, you don't have to worry.  In reality, when you buy from a dealership, you are throwing away cash.  You are basically paying at least 20% over what the vehicle is worth, and throwing that cash in the toilet.

What happens when you buy a brand new vehicle?

Well, if you buy a 2014 model vehicle, go home and list it for sale, you will instantly lose at least a few thousand dollars depending on how much you paid.  Is it worth it?

Every day, someone goes to a dealership and pays 24,000 for a brand new prius that gets around 50 mpg.  What they don't realize is that they can go buy an early 2000's corolla and get 35-40 mpg, and pay about 21,000 dollars less.  Unless they drive a million miles per year, there is no way to justify spending what dealerships ask for new vehicles.

To make a long story short, dealerships are full of con artists who will do and say anything to make you believe they care about you.  This is why I think it's a great business to get into.  I can go buy cars at auction for $3000 dollars and sell them to you for $7000 because you don't know anything about cars.

Edit:

Just to make sure you see how this relates to marketing, I am trying to demonstrate the fact that dealerships have a certain image, much like certain brands.  For the most part, people feel that they can trust a dealership because they get warranties and all the bells and whistles.  Or the dealership "certifies" their pre-owned vehicles.  Much like paying a premium for Nike brand shoes, many people pay a premium for cars.  The only difference with dealerships is the fact that you can get the exact same car from a private seller for thousands cheaper.

Free, Is That Where The Money Is?

Hey everyone, my brain is totally fried.  I was relocating snow today from 1:00 am until 3:00 pm and only slept for 45 minute on the couch.  Moving snow around while it's still snowing is probably one of the least satisfying jobs I've ever done.  You move the snow for like 4 hours... and by the time you finish, you have to do it all over again.  It's insanity.  So anyway, enough about my personal problems, lets talk about marketing.

What is this?

It's my wireless router, but could it also be a potential opportunity for a new kind of business?  What if internet providers started setting up free WiFi hot spots and then started advertising to the people who access them?  When people look at the available networks, they might see "JIMMY JOHNS FREE ACCESS", or something like that.  Also, once connected, there could be advertisements based on each individuals particular internet activities and usage.  Would it work?  Or is free internet becoming too widespread to try to tap into this now?  The answer is, I have no idea and I think i'm starting to hallucinate.




Hey, speaking of being tired, it's probably only a matter of time before people start tapping into our brains while we sleep and playing commercials in our dreams.  I hope that doesn't happen.

What's this?

It's my PRO-FORM elliptical!

 Has your significant other been begging you for one of these?  Has he or she been talking about how they will be able to work out all winter long in the comfort of their own home? Have they told you that they don't like running because of the people who stare and the harm it does to their knees?

Well you can rent this one for $25 dollars.  Now, what is the point of renting an elliptical you ask?  I will tell you.  As soon as you bring it home, your significant other will be extremely happy and it will make their day.  They will use it once, and then it will start being used as a coat hanger.  That's when you return it to me!  Let me know if you're interested. ($10 dollar fee for delivery)



I just made you read an advertisement, how does that make you feel?


Time for a new subject.  Let's talk about ethics.  With all this talk about social media and how one customer can completely wreak havoc on a companies stock price, it makes the unethical bandit inside of me wonder about things.  What if someone organized a large group of people and started mounting large organized attacks on companies through social media?  We see people getting paid to write positive reviews... are people being paid to write negative reviews?  Are people getting paid to fabricate horrible stories about certain companies to sabotage them?  What if there was a powerful organization like this that started blackmailing companies and demanding cash payments for protection?  Basically a social media mafia.  This might be important to think about, because if one person can tell the truth about a company and make the stock price tank... what could 236 people with fabricated stories do?

Well that's all for tonight. I'm going to bed.  But first I'm going to go use my OralB Professional Care 3000 toothbrush to whiten my teeth. It's the toothbrush that many dentists recommend.



(Note to Phillips: I will change that to Sonicare for a one time payment of $500 dollars.)  





-Kraig

I Finally Got Something For FREE

Okay everyone, lets talk about free stuff.

Once upon a time, I was attending Chapel Hill High School in North Carolina.  While attending high school (before I got kicked out), there was this awesome game system that came out called the Playstation 2!  Everyone wanted one of these bad boys.


So I was browsing the internet one day while chatting on AOL Instant Messanger (yes it was still popular), and I came across a website that said if I got my friends to sign up to the website, I could win a PS2 of my very own!!   So of course I started spamming my friends and I got one of my buddies to sign up to the site.  The day after he signed up, he won the PS2 and I didn't get crap!!  So basically that ended our friendship, and I never trusted websites again because I never had enough luck to get the free goods.  That all changed when I heard about bzzagent.com!

So pretty much every dude who signed up after hearing about it in class, got one of these:

Too bad for the suckers in class that didn't sign up, because this thing is as slick as a baby seal.  Plus, it costs $70 bucks on amazon.  The last person who gave me $70 bucks was my friend who I just bailed out of jail... and the bondsman charged me $200.  So i'm pretty happy about this to say the least.

Let me tell you about my old shaver.

As you can see, i'm BrAun loyal.  Actually, I swiped this bad boy from under the seat of my dads car about 5 years ago, and it's still running strong. I'm not sure how the precision trimmer broke off.

Major differences between my old BrAun and my new OldSpice/BrAun

-Old Spice version can be used under water.  For all those times I decide to shave while swimming.  But seriously, I don't shave in the shower so this is basically pointless except for cleaning purposes.

-Old Spice version has a more versatile head.

     Old Spice/ Braun                                              Old Braun

As you can see, they are very similar, but the new one is definitely an improvement.  So what else did I get?

  

As you can see (above), this shaver comes with a clear protective cover for traveling, a charging stand, and a little cleaning brush.  Basically everything that the shaver below comes with, except the Old Spice version is $130 dollars cheaper and doesn't lean to the side while charging.

I will conclude by saying, i love free stuff, and I hope this new OldSpice/Braun shaver lasts long enough for my very own son to steal it out from under the seat of my car.

-Kraig

Hello everyone,

What's going on in the marketing world?

Today I saw a billboard that said "Experience Great Customer Service".  I will make sure to do that some day.  Unfortunately, I can't remember the company on the billboard.  Actually, all I remember is a big picture of a guys face.  He didn't even look very friendly.  So whatever they spent on that billboard was a big waste.
This made me think back to an idea I've had for a long time.  If you want to throw away money, why not create a money dispenser that shoots money out of the back of your company car?  Here's how it would work:
You buy an attractive car like this 2014 Corvette.

Then you fill the trunk with speakers kind of like this:

Finally, you go to a very crowded place, like Mall of America (horribly crowded and overrated place to go) and you start blasting your company's catchy jingle while making the area around you look like this:

I think this would be awesome to do if you were JG Wentworth.  Everyone all ready knows the song, everyone at Mall of America probably has structured settlements, and after leaving Mall of America, they will definitely need cash now!  

So then everyone will see the cash flying through the air, start running around like lunatics, trampling the elderly and trying to grab all the cash, all while the beautiful jingle is blasting. Also, a professional camera crew would obviously be filming everything to put online (they would probably edit out the people getting trampled). 

After everything is over, there will probably have been around 50 fights, (future structured settlements) and the video footage will quickly go viral.  Then they can make it into a commercial and air it during the super bowl!

Those are my marketing thoughts for the day, hope you enjoyed.

-Kraig

Just in case you feel like listening to the song now:

I sell stuff

Hey everyone, i'm back!

  It's time to start talking about stuff that relates to marketing.  Don't worry, I will try to make it interesting.

I have a sweat shop

That's my garage at night. (above)  It's also where I produce products that I sell.  No, it's not a grow operation.

I use a variety of tools and compounds to create secret book safes out of regular hardcover books.

Looks like a regular book

On the inside it looks like this

Another example:

And here is the link to my online store: TheSafeChoice

My most recent sale was to someone in Colorado... I wonder what they're storing in it!

My inventory is getting low, but production will resume as soon as it warms up a little.

Why did I start making these?  

Over the summer I was sitting around thinking of ways to make money without working for other people and I thought it would be cool to make a hollow book.  So I looked on Youtube and some guy basically made an hour long video that details how he builds them and sells them on Etsy.   I then went to harbor freight tools with my hopes, dreams, and a credit card, and I purchased everything I needed to start manufacturing.

Long story short, that guy on YouTube spent his valuable time showing me how to build book safes and now i'm stealing a portion of his market share on Etsy.  I expanded on his ideas and made my safes better and cheaper than his!!!  Not a smart move on his part.  

There is a reason Coca-Cola keeps their recipe in this safe: 

They don't want every crazy person like me trying to copy their drink.

So anyway, that's one thing I've been doing as a hobby.  I started selling them over the summer.  At first, sales were pretty slow, but as I made my page look more professional and as I started getting 5 star reviews, my sales and viewership started to increase.

Things I do to get good reviews:

-I ship items very quickly

-I put surprise sweeteners in each order (2 dollar bills, dollar coins, and random things I find on the floor)

People respond well when you surprise them with extra stuff and money, and that has been one of my strategies to try and get people to leave good reviews.

My goal for 2014: 

 I would like to crank out 500 safes before next Christmas.  That seems to be when people are really interested in finding unique items.  To meet that goal I need to build 10 a week starting now.  I have built 10 in one day before, so it's definitely doable.  The great thing is, they don't go bad if I don't sell them, so any that I create in excess of demand is basically just cash waiting to happen.  

Well that's all for tonight!

Kraig

Introduction Post #1

Hello everyone!  I'm blogging!

My name is Kraig, and I am a senior majoring in business marketing.  I have lived in Oregon, Massachusetts, North Carolina, Minnesota, North Dakota, and this past summer my wife and I purchased a sweet little house on the western edge of Logan also known as Youngward.  We chose this spot because we hate living in town, we don't like subdivisions, and we want to be as reclusive as possible!  (and I don't have enough money for an underground bunker...yet.)

We're living the dream, and we even have the white picket fence I always hear people talking about. (below)  LOOK AT THAT VIEW!!!

Wow, I never realized how green my grass was!  That might be because we have our own artesian well.  If you don't know what that is, it's basically our own private spring that shoots fresh water out of the ground into our house.  It comes out of the ground at around 12 psi so I don't even need to have a water pump.

Now it's winter, and look how awesome my back yard is! (below) The field is my neighbors but they moved away so it's basically MINE!  I might just start extending our fence back and slowly take over the land.

I heat the house with a wood stove. So we stay pretty warm in here.

I get my wood from the land fill for 5 dollar a cord and I cut it up with my chainsaw. Below is my Husqvarna Chainsaw, Fiskers axe, and my good ol' Chicago Electric chain sharpener from Harbor Freight Tools.  My chainsaw table is a mess!

So that's basically what's going on in my life right now.  I have a lot of other random things to write about but I'll save those for my next posts!

-Kraig